Should I Ask a Friend or Hire a Professional to Officiate My Wedding?

Written by Rev. Bethany Flood, MDiv, owner of Rev. Beth Wedding

Congratulations! You’ve just said yes to your forever partner, and the adventures of wedding planning have begun. Amid the scramble to secure your venue, photographer, and planner, a critical question looms: who will officiate your special day?  

In recent years, it’s become increasingly common for friends or family to fulfill this important role. Given rising costs across the service industry, it’s perhaps unsurprising that brides and grooms are looking for ways to sign away fewer vendor checks. But, as an ordained reverend who has officiated countless weddings in the Chicagoland area, I know that budgets aren’t the sole factor in this decision. Often, couples worry that the thought of a stranger conducting their ceremony may feel impersonal when a loved one could be up for the task instead. 

In case you are currently navigating this dilemma, I’m here to share some insights to ponder as you weigh this important choice.

Are you prepared to be the project manager for your ceremony? 

It’s important to consider the complicated dynamics at play when an established personal relationship becomes a service provider (in the truest sense of the phrase!). Setting clear expectations becomes paramount, and couples must be prepared to heighten a casual interpersonal dynamic in order to communicate ideas, organize meetings, and monitor deadlines. Some brides and grooms end up sacrificing their vision for a ceremony because they simply don’t want to introduce conflict or discord into their third party relationship. 

Have you seen your friend speak in public before?  

Some of my favorite ceremonies I’ve witnessed have been performed by a close friend of the happy couple. The shared history can bring about a genuine warmth and authenticity to the ceremony. But just because a loved one knows you well doesn’t necessarily mean they are right person for this moment. Frankly, I’ve seen too many boisterous college roommates tell inside jokes at the altar that leave the wedding guests scratching their heads. 

Can your friend legally marry you? 

Today, most states allow just about anyone to become “ordained” through The Universal Church Online, but depending what city, county, and country you’re getting married, these requirements can become more complicated and nuanced. Experienced officiants will know the requirements of the city they are officiating in and be able to direct you to resources to make sure your union is legal. 

What’s your back up plan? 

What happens if the person planning to officiate your wedding falls ill? Their flight gets cancelled? Or they’re suddenly unable to make it to the wedding? Professional officiants often have a network or team to step up to the plate if an adverse event takes place. Conversely, this is often factored into their professional contract so plan B, C, and D are already accounted for. Opting for a friend to officiate your wedding, this burden would fall on the couple. 

A case for the professional officiant: 

Seasoned officiants can be expected to meet the requirements to legally marry a couple as well as provide a positive wedding planning experience. They have the ability to match the tone expected by the couples, and have experiences to draw from in order to handle unexpected surprises throughout the ceremony. Through my ceremonies, I’ve learned to calmly manage “exciting” twists as they come, such as sudden downpours, wailing children, and missing wedding rings. The show must go on! 

In my view, the true value you get from partnering with a professional officiant is this peace of mind during a stressful period. Professional officiants bring expertise honed through experience and smoothly navigating curveballs thrown their way.  And, although they may not know you as well as family or friends, a good officiant has the ability to incorporate your story in a way that makes everyone feel like you’ve had a personal relationship for years. 

About the Author

Reverend Beth Flood is the owner of Rev Beth Weddings, has a Masters of Divinity from Duke University and is an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ. Rev Beth has worked with hundreds of couples all over the United States and currently focuses her time working primarily in the Chicagoland area as a professional wedding officiant for couples of all types, backgrounds, lifestyles and religions.

“I believe spirituality is for all of us which I understand robustly as a connection to self, a connection to others and/or a connection to a higher power. I am driven to walk alongside others to discover and explore what that means for each of us. My life philosophy revolves around the affirmation that every individual in this world is unique and worthy of love. Therefore, I believe in the celebration and acceptance of all people no matter their faith tradition, background, sexual orientation, dis(ability), gender expression, race, or nationality. I hope we can work together to create something new and wonderful together!”